Evening Personalities Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Late-night's prominent comedians devoted their evening mocking former President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration initiative, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas tune targeting the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... destroys all he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new program which enables foreign individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for the price of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for $5 million. The program's website guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"One thought here to affluent immigrants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings during financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.